Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Paper or Plastic?

Dressed and preparing for my daily workout; I felt the need to finish dusting the living room, when I observed one of the neighborhood dog walker's in front of my house! We all have them in our plans, they are the folks who think that their pets need the exercise as much as they do (definitely the case here). Most of these workout giants carry a plastic bag with them to scoop the poop into. Their technique is to place their hand in the bag and grab on to the pile then reverse the bag and tie; a strange and disgusting technique, yet effective and appreciated by the homeowners.

As I watched the owner of this large Basset hound, I knew that if this Tootsie roll looking creature with no legs, pinches out a loud of Kibble-n-Bits that there was no way it was getting picked up...as if the damn dog read my mind, it bent what I think were legs and dropped the largest pile of vile that I have every seen. The owner joyfully patted "fighto" on the head and immediately returned to her "workout", leaving the steaming heap of puppy chow in my yard!

If I want dog crap or any other piles of crap in my yard, I would gladly find a way to produce and deposit them there! I don't take Max; my son's Guinea Pig, for strolls around the plan and allow him to squat wherever he wants and if I did, I would pick it up!

Realizing that I couldn't allow this violation of neighborhood etiquette to go unpunished, I sprang into action! By the time I hit the pavement, dog and owner were making the bend onto the next road. I have no idea what the hell this lady is feeding that mutt but the stench was horrific, nearly causing me to vomit as I passed by. Not wanting to look like a complete lunatic by running after them while dry heaving, I chose to follow them until they reached their humble abode before I confronted them. It was when I turned the bend and had a direct bead on them that the question of; Do animal owner's resemble their pets crossed my mind? I can't answer that question in this case since I didn't get a good look at the owner but a can confirm to everyone that the dog and it owner were identical from behind! As I continue my surveillance, I then started to think about what I was going to say, coming up with nothing more than insults and four letter words, I made the mature, adult decision to not say anything! My mother would be proud! Instead, I would wait and see where they live and then I would seek out some type of revenge.

Do I pick up the pile in plastic and put it in their mailbox (federal offense...skip it) on their front porch or do I pick up the pile in paper and put it on their front porch and light it, then ring the doorbell and run for cover. They will come to the door and stomp the small fire out!

Executive decisions!

3 comments:

  1. I will never understand why they have to let the dog go on the ground and then pick it up. I always put the open bag under the dogs behind as he readied to do his thing and then just pick up the bag and and find the closest neighbors garbage can.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I would put it on the porch with a note saying that the dog lost something in the neighborhood and you were returning it....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Put it in the mailbox...You have at least one friend in the postal service. ;) Also, if you ever need extra doggie do-do, I'll be happy to share some from my yard! Kacey is overly regular!!

    Peggy

    ReplyDelete