Turning Pro

That's right! I am formally announcing that I have decide to wave my final month of eligibility and turn Pro! I know many of you are saying, "It's to soon!", "He's not ready" or "He is going to get injured", but after my recent morning performance, there is "No Doubt" that I am ready.

When I got up I knew I was on my game! I got the youngest on the bus at 8:07 A.M. and skipped the chit-chat at the bus stop with the other Coffee Club member's...I was mostly caught up on the going-on's in the neighborhood plus it was game day! I rushed home and double checked the list; it was long and it would take perfection to pull it off but after a couple of weeks of practice, I felt confident! The route was laid out; almost all right turns, perfect! If UPS could do it, I could! I grabbed my brown bag from the refrigerator (there was no time for breakfast so a made a half sandwich to eat on the road...you seriously can't beat a eye of round roast, sliced paper thin sandwich)and head to the truck.

Max needed some bedding so the first stop was the pet store. I once read or heard that many people resemble their pets but didn't believe it until now. I had to pass the "bird section" and there was a mother with her "child" in a stroller. I couldn't tell you the gender because this kid looked just like the birds in front of it! I heard the mother squawk, that one of the birds looks just like theirs, when I looked up at her...Holy mother of god, I thought it was a giant yellow breasted, whip-poor-will ! There is no doubt that she could be on a postage stamp for the Audubon Society.

I couldn't dwell on this, the game was on!

From there it was off to the bank...yes, unemployed people have to go to the bank! Where do you think all those rolls of coins come from. Next stop was the grocery store to pick up a gift card for a birthday present and making a quick exit, I headed for what could be the end game, Wal-mart! The clock was ticking and I ate my sandwich at a couple lights where some driver's did not understand the concept of "right-hand turn on red" but they certainly understood what my right-hand was saying. I had to settle down as I headed in the doors of Wal-mart. The greeter spotted me immediately and began to back into the shopping carts; I think she recognizes me now, I gave her a quick smile and a big "good morning". Showed her who the greeter was! I snaked through the aisles with speed, avoiding every obstacle which that hell hole could throw at me. Through the twenty or less line and headed out the door, the poor greeter was leaning on the carts holding her chest, still stunned by my greeting to her when I let out a "have a wonderful day" to her, damn near put her over the edge!

The next stop was Costco. This was a challenge from the stand point of self control. As if I had blinders on, I swiftly made my way to my item and headed for the checkout...no stopping to browse. Total discipline! Plus I got in trouble last time I was here and came home with a couple of things my wife didn't think I needed.

The clock was still ticking and I had two stops to go! Off to the store to get the propane tank filled and then a fill up for the truck!

When the truck came to rest in the driveway the time was 11:38 A.M. Three hours and thirty one minutes, a all time record for completing errands and twenty-two minutes before the noon news started, with their special on "free coupon websites"!!!!

...and you thought I wasn't ready to be a professional errand boy!

Snap!